EP. 170: Healthy Relationships for Business Success: Why Your Personal Life Matters with Ann Parnes

In this episode, Jennifer Dawn sits down with matchmaker and life coach Ann Parnes to discuss the undeniable link between personal connections and professional achievement. Learn why healthy relationships for business success are non-negotiable, how emotional patterns impact your work, and the importance of investing in your personal life to fuel professional growth and overcome entrepreneurial isolation.

Healthy Relationships for Business Success: Why Your Personal Life Matters

Ann Parnes’s Journey: From Lawyer to Matchmaker

Jennifer Dawn: Hello. Hello everybody. Welcome to a new episode of the Happy Productive Podcast. I have to tell you guys, I’m so excited to speak with my guest today, the beautiful Ann Parnes. Ann, how are you today?

Ann Parnes: Great. Jennifer, how are you?

Jennifer Dawn: I am wonderful and I have to tell you guys, so Ann went with us on our waves of transformation cruise. Gosh, it was been, gosh, six, seven months ago, maybe a little longer, and I haven’t had a chance to see her since then. So I’m so excited to be here and reconnecting with her and to get to hear about all the things she’s up to. You guys on the cruise and taught this beautiful workshop for all of our business owners around relationships, and it was one of our highest rated workshops and favorite workshops. And I think it was even the first time we’d offered one around relationships at one of our retreats, and it was just. So well received that I had to have her on the show. So Ann, welcome, welcome to the show today. And would you mind, for those who don’t already know you, maybe just give us a couple of minutes of just your background and how you came to be doing the amazing, transformational work that you’re doing.

Ann Parnes: Sure. Uh, yes. I started out as an attorney, which is not everyone’s path to becoming a matchmaker. Um, and practiced law for 15 years, got burnt out. Uh, got my life coaching certification. And, um, really love helping people. I think that’s been the common thread along from an attorney to a life coach. Um, but when I was coaching, I had a lot of single clients and really my inclination was just, who do I know? This person seems amazing, and they were having trouble with their love life. So that was. The next iteration of my career, um, was starting Match Made in Nola, which was a local matchmaking company in New Orleans for seven years, um, six years just just it being me, um, and subcontractors. And then two years ago I found an amazing partner, probably one of the best matches I’ve ever made. And she is really skilled and operations and recruitment, uh, and just really we have such complimentary strength. That, that was a wonderful, um, union and we rebranded and went national and so that’s been really exciting for the past two years.

Jennifer Dawn: Oh, so beautiful. And so tell us just a little bit more about this matchmaking thing. I know that there’s some business owners right now listening who are single, and there’s probably a few that aren’t single that are listening as well. So just tell us a little bit about matchmaking at this level and kind of how that all works.

Ann Parnes: Sure. I would say that we do have a lot of entrepreneur clients, business owners, um, just high achieving professionals who really are super busy with their. Businesses, their day to day. Um, but yes, they value finding the right partner, uh, and their time and that believe in the, you know, power of expertise. So really we just sit down and talk to each one of our clients we have a very close relationship with, or it starts with really understanding who would be the right partner for them. You know, what is most important? Uh, it’s not build a bear, there’s no magic wand. But really getting, you know, insight on what are the values that need to be sort of, um, you know, shared or at least not at odds. And the life vision, making sure that there’s alignment there and the personality, right? What’s their vibe? What kind of people do they really enjoy being with? Because we’re looking for their life partner and the person who presumably they’re going to be spending the most time with. So those are the things that we think are really, really important. Chemistry and attraction, of course, it’s up there, but we can’t predict that. And that can look a number of ways, right? So we hone in on those things and then we actually recruit and interview people. And when we think we have someone who is worth the meeting and who seems promising, then we’ll set up their first date and just send them out with, you know, the information that they need to be successful. Um, and then we get feedback from both parties. So if we’re, you know, sometimes people have some revelation after a date, we’ll try to hone our search. Sometimes we hear that our client has some blind spots that’s getting in, you know, that are getting in their way. So we’ll work through some of that. So really just helping people and supporting them in every way to get them, um, to find their, their partner.

Jennifer Dawn: Oh wow. This is so cool. Just a, a modern way of, uh, doing the dating thing, and especially if you’re a busy entrepreneur, um, seems like it would save people just honestly, a lot of time and effort just through that vetting process that you guys are doing of like, Hey, we think these people would be good matches for you.

Ann Parnes: Yes, and I mean, we definitely know what to look for in terms of red flags. It doesn’t necessarily mean that, you know, no one narcissistic will slip by us. That would be, that wouldn’t be truthful for me to say. It can happen, but certainly we keep up on, you know, all of the, the findings and, and our research and all of that to try to make the best decisions we can for our client. And believe it or not, it is not new. Matchmaking has been around sort, sort of like the beginning of time. Um, and I think people are getting really burnt out on the apps and on, you know, just using technology and making these split decisions at all. Like, we’re shopping for humans, right? So, um, we’re, we are gravitating back to that. We’re seeing an uptick in volume, um, more matchmakers, more clients, all of that because people are sort of, um, looking for a human touch.

The Entrepreneur’s Greatest Asset: The Role of Personal Relationships

Jennifer Dawn: Oh, that’s so beautiful. So how important is it for a business owner to have a healthy relationship as far as just the overall quality of life?

Ann Parnes: Yeah, I mean, I think relationships in general are, you know. Um, our greatest source of strength and joy in life. And I do think having a life partner, the right life partner, we’re wired for that connection. Um, you, you know, exponentially makes the, the good times better, and it is nice to have that support system in place for the times that aren’t so, uh, wonderful. So, in my mind, it’s the biggest decision you’ll ever make. It will spill over into your career and everything else because if you have, you know, we’ve all been there. If you’re struggling in your, in your personal life. It’s just so all consuming, right? And that it, it kind of bleeds everywhere. Um, also there’s this epidemic of loneliness in this country that I know a lot of people know about. And so not having those connections can be really terrible, um, for your career and for your health. Like I think that, you know, stroke and heart disease and cancers and Alzheimer’s, all of those go up exponentially for isolated and lonely. So relationships are the key to happiness. And I think that’s why people say, you know, that it’s, tell me about your relationships and that’s gonna affect the whole quality of your life. And I really believe that.

Jennifer Dawn: Yeah, I believe it as well. I’ve been, um, divorced. I am currently happily married most days, and I can attest to the difference between like if I’m in a fight with my husband, just my overall quality of everything really, really suffers and the times when I was going through a divorce and just the stress of that. And so many clients that I’ve coached, if they’re, when they’re going through those relationship issues, even though uh, I’m a business coach, a lot of that personal stuff will come through. And so I definitely see it just the stress of, uh, of those, of the relationship. It can be supporting you and, and, and building you up and helping you to feel really, really good or not so much on the other side.

Ann Parnes: Yes, absolutely.

Jennifer Dawn: Yeah. Um, and part of the work that we do, we have something called our core nine Reflections, and these are nine core questions that we ask our clients to come back to and we revisit at the beginning of the year, and then again, quarterly and reflection. Number eight is about relationships. That’s how important it is, that it’s one of our Core Nine, um, key things of, of having a healthy business, a healthy life, and that relationship component because. Entrepreneurial isolation and loneliness is a real thing. Even when you, you have a partner, I think that you can still feel kind of isolated and alone. And so having those key relationships, you said wired for connection, I thought that was really, really cool. So can you talk a little bit further on that when you say we’re, we’re wired for connection?

Overcoming Entrepreneurial Isolation and Loneliness

Ann Parnes: Yeah. I mean, I don’t think we’re meant to be alone. Right? I think that, um, I don’t know the history hu human history in general, but as far as I know, there’s always been right tribes and families and, um, you know, support in place for, for people. And I, I just feel that. You know, that is when we don’t have that is when it leads to the loneliness and all of the things that flow from there. Um, I think people can be, you know, there’s different like ways that people connect and there’s certainly variations in attachment styles. I’m sure that you’ve heard a little bit about that, and I’m not an expert, but in general, you know, some people really want the connection, but they don’t know how. They have a lot of walls up and they really value independence, and so it’s difficult for them to have those connected relationships even though they want it so badly. Um, and then other people are just, uh, wired for like, “I need to be with you all the time,” or “I get really anxious and wonder what’s going on,” and, right. So not necessarily healthy, but in general I do think that most people, of course, are exceptions, really want to have that closeness and, um, that intimate relationship with, with somebody else. All of this contributes to **healthy relationships for business success**.

Self-Awareness and Relationships: The Key to Lowering Your Walls

Jennifer Dawn: Yeah. Um, and as a life coach, I’m sure you can help a little bit with this. When you said we, we want that close connection, but when we have our walls up, it’s really hard to have that close connection if your walls are up. And so what are some ways that we can kind of start to tell, like, first of all, how do we know that our walls are even up? Um. I, I could, I could speculate on this, but I’d love to hear from you. First of all, how do we even know, like, oh my gosh, like I’m, I’m, I’m navigating life with these walls, these defense mechanisms in place. And then if we can recognize that, what are some ways that we can actually lower those walls so that we can really have that connection that we’re craving?

Ann Parnes: Yeah, so I think that if you look at your relationships in general. If you look at your life, it’s sort of a picture of what your priorities are and what your actions like the, the aggregate of your actions, right? So if you don’t have close friendships of people who count on you and people who you count on and talk to, I mean, that could be something, right? Even in your friend with your friendships, if you’re not vulnerable with them and not willing to share, you know, what’s going wrong as well as what’s going right in your life, I think that could be a sign. Um, of course if your personal romantic relationships. Have suffered, you know, that’s another sign. But just not having a confidant. Not, you know, if, if, if, when something happens, there’s no one who you feel like you can really turn to, um, and who, who, you know, entrust and who’s got your back. I think that’s a really good sign that, you know, probably across the board there, the common element of that is you. And so something to think about right? Is what are you doing that is preventing you from really achieving that sort of closeness. With other human beings. Um, what can we do? And I think it depends on kind of what, how you got there and why you got there. It could be your wiring, it could be attachment style. It could be that you’ve been burned before. And so, you know, you might not trust yourself as much to, to find like, who can, who can you open up to? And so I think it’s like, go slow, right? First of all, gain the awareness about it. I think that’s really important is just kind of taking inventory of what your life looks like. And maybe getting some awareness of what’s going on in your relationships, what’s been going wrong, looking at the patterns and having somebody do that with you. Right? There are coaches out there. There are therapists out there. So if you can see it clearly, wonderful. Some of us need a little bit of help in that, and that’s great too. All of this is foundational to **healthy relationships for business success**.

The Power of Investing in Your Personal Life

Ann Parnes: I think it’s all like starting slowly, right? So once you realize that there is something missing, um, maybe thinking to yourself what, you know, what does the relationship look like that I want kind of really getting clear and maybe, you know, fantasizing about what is closeness, what does that look like? What do I feel comfortable with? Where do I feel the blocks? You know, if you feel something, then you kind of know you’re onto something and maybe just asking yourself questions, getting more curious about yourself. Like, and, and once you. Find sort of some of the answers, then figuring out kind of where the resistance is and where you can maybe push it just a little bit, right? So you’re not gonna go from one to 10, but maybe just. Being a little bit more vulnerable, revealing a little bit more than you’re comfortable with talking. You know, just starting slow to build confidence. I think that’s the big thing is once you do something a couple of times and you feel okay about it, nothing’s happened, I’ve revealed, you know, these needs that I have or these boundaries that I have or whatnot, and the world didn’t end and my partner’s still here and you know, and, and making changes or whatever it is, and I can see myself making changes. I think that that builds the confidence to then take. You know those baby steps and before you know it, you look back and you’ve gone a long way.

Jennifer Dawn: Yeah, I love this. Um, two really important things. I want to call out number one, like definitely get the help. Um, I don’t think this is work, especially if it’s deep work that you can really do successfully on your own. You kind of need that outside perspective and you’re so right. Like if you see a pattern repeating, this for me is exactly what happened. I saw this repeating pattern of just like, um, ’cause I’ve, I’ve been divorced twice. I’m now married. It was like, wait a second. And when I met my current husband, we were fighting a lot in the beginning and I remember him saying like, “Hey, you know, if you don’t go get some help, we’re not gonna make it.” And I was just like, wait a second. You know, it can’t all be the guy. Like it’s got to be something. I’m the common denominator here, so what is happening? And I did end up going to a therapist and I worked with her for four years and it turns out that she was very, very skilled in helping with, um. Trauma, which I had a lot of from my childhood, but I had just, you know, pushed on and been like, I’m fine. And never really did all that deeper healing work that was coming up in the relationships. I just didn’t realize it. Um, and it wasn’t until my current husband, my current relationship, that I was just like, okay. Um, there is something here. This is a pattern that keeps repeating. Like, what in the heck is going on? Like, obviously I need to work on me, but it’s not that I wasn’t like, you know, uh, you know, smart and, you know, willing and all of those things, but these were just stuff that I just didn’t know about. I had experienced the trauma, but healing it was a whole nother deal. I didn’t heal anything. I just pushed it aside and kept on going. And then of course we had those walls up of just like, I’m fine. Um, but clearly I wasn’t fine. And so when you find a provider or somebody who is skilled in these areas and can really help you navigate it, I mean, when I first started going to this work, I was just getting triggered all the time. I think I was driving my poor husband insane. In fact, I know I was because it’s just like everything triggered me. I was just a kind of a disaster, an emotional disaster. It’s what it felt like. But through that time, I healed. Excuse me. Um, sorry. We’re gonna have to, hold on. almost there. I, sorry. I try not to mess up, but that’s why we have editing. So. I don’t know what happened. I just like swallowed something. Oh, it happens to everyone. Okay. Hold on. Okay. All right guys, we’re gonna edit all that out. Jennifer. Choking. We’re gonna edit. Jennifer choking right out of this. Okay. Um, okay. What was I saying? I was saying, um. Yeah, your husband. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So trying to do this work on your own, it’s not that we aren’t gonna make like a valiant effort, I certainly did, but like getting that outside perspective, the outside skillset, the outside knowledge of somebody who really knows what they’re doing can be a game changer. And I went and I healed all that stuff. And now I look back and I laugh at the silly things that I would get triggered on and upset by. And I was just kind of like, oh my gosh, are you kidding me? And now none of that stuff bothers me. And two, like the thought of having, carrying all that, like for the rest of my life, oh my gosh, it would’ve been absolutely miserable. Absolutely miserable. And now me and my husband, we’ve been married for, I don’t know, 12 or 13 years, something along those lines. It’s been a while. Um, and this year one of the things we did for ourselves is we, it, this is actually the first time we’ve ever like. Gone somewhere and intentionally worked on our relationship because these are skills that I don’t know about you, Anne, but I didn’t learn in school. I didn’t learn along the way. It was just like none of us really equips us. And my parents, um, had a terrible marriage and were divorced and it was just really an awful example. And so this year we went to a retreat called Hold Me Tight. And we did it in Costa Rica and it was a life changing thing to, um, and I’ve, I’ve had retreats in at this place, um, Inoa that we love to go to for my business and we’ve taken business clients there. But this was the first time that we went on a retreat, um, called Hold Me Tight with actually one of my clients who does couples therapy work. And so me and my husband went. Um, not because we had anything really wrong, we just wanted to spend some dedicated time really working on our communication and our relationship and the skills that we learned through. Hold me tight and hold me tight. A lot of therapists and people do these hold me tight retreats and they normally do ’em over a weekend and um, they’re really super powerful. We were lucky enough to get to do it over the course of five days and they’re gonna host it again next year. And I just signed us right on up ’cause I’m like, we’re doing it again. ’cause it was just. Something that you wanna be able to revisit. But the skills that we learned of just like how to communicate together in a relationship because we just are not taught these things was, was so, so transformational and just brought me and my husband so much closer. So a relationship that was already good, got deepened. We showed up with a lot of couples who we didn’t know, but they were like, “if this doesn’t work, we’re, we’re getting a divorce.” And I’m like, oh my God. Like it was pretty serious. Um, but to watch them over, you know, day after day after day, like those walls come down, they start to communicate. Yes, of course there were tears, but to see people that were like not even touching on day one and holding hands and. Um, just you, you could just tell the difference in the transformation and since then we’ve even had a few calls of like getting together and it’s tra transformation that’s lasted. But taking that time to really invest in yourself and your relationship to kind of learn how to do it right. It was pretty cool.

Ann Parnes: That’s amazing. So good for you for doing that. Right? I mean, again, if it is the most important part of your life, you have to keep investing in it and you have to keep watering that grass or it, you know, eventually will lead to kind of the four relationship killers. Right. Resentment and. Stonewalling and, you know, all of that stuff that you really wanna prevent. And so I think it’s wonderful to see that you didn’t let it get to that point where it was like, okay, now we’re at this desperate, you know, and, and I’m glad those people still went and put the work in and it’ll probably pay off. But I do think that, you know, the more you leave it and the farther apart you grow, it’s kind of hard to get, get it back. So I think it’s great to invest and keep it up and, and continue to grow. I, I think that growth mindset is sort of the number one quality I think is most important in a partner other than like basic human. You know, goodness, kindness. But yeah, just that ability to like, we’re gonna work through things. We’re going to get better, we’re gonna learn new skills, and our relationship is going to be better for it. Instead of, well, this is how I am. You know, take it or leave it. That is probably not gonna have a really good outcome. This highlights the importance of a growth mindset for **healthy relationships for business success**.

Core Values and Your Ideal Partner: A Business-Minded Approach

Jennifer Dawn: No, not at all. And I love what you said about the values, like when people go through the matchmaking process that you require them to get clear on. What your values are and the things that are really, really important to you. Because if you don’t have clarity on those things, like how are you gonna know when you meet somebody, like, is this really gonna be, you know, a good, healthy relationship if you’re not even clear on who you are and what your values are?

Ann Parnes: Yeah, absolutely. I think that’s what. Happens with young people, right? You get, you know, on paper they seem great. Everything you want not maybe need. And then it’s sort of this momentum that builds and, and you know, without being super thoughtful about what your values are, what your needs are, you know, you just feel like, “okay, well we’re gonna figure it out.” And a lot of times that works. But I do think that there’s a difference of if you have unmet needs, there are needs, right? And that is going to build. Resentment and all of those things. And, and so maybe the things you thought were needs or actually wants and like, yes, you might want someone who is, you know, um, has a good relationship with his parents and you might want someone who wants to, you know, live in, in a certain climate or city or whatever, but, and you can compromise on your wants, right? Everything is a compromise and relationship. But I think when you’re compromising core needs is when it really begins to, um, it’s not gonna work out long term. This is crucial for **healthy relationships for business success**.

Jennifer Dawn: Yeah, absolutely. And taking the time to get clear on what those are for you, it seems like a, a very, very important part of this process.

Ann Parnes: definitely. And nothing to be ashamed of. I, at the end of the day, we have to know that we’re human and we’re, we have needs and rehab imperfections and all of that, and we’re lovable just the way that we are and we have lots to give. And so I think just, you know, taking the shame out of that, you might think, “oh, I’m too need emotionally needy because my ex-boyfriend said.” There’s nothing, you know, some, I guess if you’re needy and you have sort of attachment issues, kind of healing that, but there’s nothing wrong with someone who wants more closeness than someone else, or, you know, whatever that looks like. You just have to know yourself and take the time to really get clear on, um, you know, what, what that looks like for you. Having this clarity is foundational for **healthy relationships for business success**.

Final Thoughts and How to Connect

Jennifer Dawn: Yeah, I love it. And honestly, even if you’re in a relationship, you could still do it. Um, you know, as we, I’m finding with my husband, it’s just like as we get older, we’re navigating things that neither of us have ever been through. We’re in our fifties now. That’s new for both of us. And we’re like, oh, wow. So that’s what comes with this stage of life, but we’re navigating it together and. I think that that makes all the difference when you, you do have that person there with you that you know, you feel comfortable with, you feel safe with, and even when you hit challenges, you can still, you, you learn the skills to be able to work through it together. Absolutely. And that’s the difference, right? Some people are just, they grow apart, um, because they’re not willing to do that. And others, you know, the things do change. I always tell my kids like, “well, I did. I’m parenting for the first time, right? I’m going, going to make mistakes. But you can be sure that it’s all coming from a good place.” I’m trying my best, and I think that goes with everything in life, like you said. We’re just turning 50. We don’t know what that looks like until we get there. And so just having that curiosity to explore it and having that safe space to, you know, to explore it together and to have the opportunity to tackle it together and, and continue to grow, makes it much more exciting.

Ann Parnes: Oh, I love it so much. All right, Anne, I know that people have some questions about where they can find you and your awesome services. So why don’t you just tell everybody a little bit about where they can find you?

Ann Parnes: Great. Yeah, we have a website afterhello.com and we do have for people who aren’t ready to like hire a matchmaker, and we also do online profile management. So for some people, like the dating apps are a really great tool. The process is awful as we know. So we will kind of become ghost writers for them and just be like, here’s your match. This is the person who’s been able to have a. Three or four conversation back and forth and wants to meet in real life. So we do that and then of course, the coaching. Um, but we do have a free registry, which it’s private. Nobody can see it besides us internally. And that’s the first place we look when we’re, um, scouting for matches for our clients. And so then of course we would start with an interview after that. So every single person I feel like, get in there because you never know when we have an amazing client who we can consider you for. Um, and it’s after hello.com. And then of course you can always email me at ann@afterhello.com.

Jennifer Dawn: Beautiful. And you guys, we’ll put that in the show notes for those of you who are like, man, I gotta get in there. Now’s the right time to find that perfect person and thank you so much for being here with me today. I really appreciate it.

Ann Parnes: Thank you, Jennifer. It was so nice to catch up and see you.

Jennifer Dawn: Yeah, absolutely. All right you guys, that’s it for today’s show. I hope you got some great takeaways and we’re signing out. That’s it. Get out there and have a happy, productive day y’all. Bye.

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